We All Have Scars (Some More Than Others)
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: Minor IW Spoilers. Everyone has scars. Tony doesn't like to show how weak he really is, so he hides his own away.


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.**

 **Written for Auction Challenge - MCU**

Based on a tumblr prompt I saw - Every time someone breaks your heart, you get a fresh scar somewhere on your skin.

 **Word Count** \- 2644

Timeline - Post IW, with the world returned to normal because fuck Thanos. So minor IW spoilers.

* * *

 **We All Have Scars (Some More Than Others)**

* * *

Tony never let anyone see the skin beyond that on his hands, neck, and face. Not ever. He hadn't before, before Afghanistan, before the scars got really bad, so there was no way he was going to let anyone see it now. After everything that had happened, Tony was a mess of lines, of scars cut so deep they were still red even years after the heartbreak that had caused them.

The others on the team had scars too of course. Everyone had scars, everyone was heartbroken once or twice at least in their lifetimes, it was just how life worked. Tony might have even been the cause of one or two of the scars that lined their skin, but the other Avengers didn't try to hide them.

Most people didn't.

Most people hadn't had their heart broken as many times as Tony had.

His first scar had arrived when he was too young to understand, a line that would forever remind him that he wasn't good enough. That he'd never be good enough. At four years old, his father dismissing his work to the point of derision was enough to break his heart.

He'd gained more from his parents in his youth and they were soon joined by scars borne from the cruelty of peers that didn't understand him.

Rhodey was a calming balm that helped to settle the scars faster, and that had continued into Tony's adult life. (Tony refused to acknowledge the two scars that Rhodey could both claim and would never know about).

Even he couldn't help the hurt caused by Ty though, and those scars were still pink on Tony's skin years later. He thought that they would never turn the silver of acceptance that many scars turned.

Then Afghanistan happened, and physical scars mixed with emotional, leaving Tony's chest even more of a mess than it had already been.

Yinsen left behind scars, both from the surgery and his sacrifice. Tony's heartbreak at not being able to save the man still stung on his hip if he twisted too quickly.

Tony's left thigh was obliterated in heartbreak left by Obi, the betrayal hitting hard and fast and large. Pepper claimed Tony's other thigh, the lines elegant and thin, but no less painful.

He'd hoped, when the Avengers moved into the Tower, when the familial atmosphere enveloped him in warmth, that he'd received his last scars. The scar on his shoulder from Steve's harsh words on the helicarrier had turned silver, and Tony truly believed that he'd found people who wouldn't hurt him further.

He'd been wrong of course. Wasn't he always?

A double cross, a hand around his throat, a vision in his mind and a shield in his chest. They all left marks behind, scars that still burnt bright and red on his skin, that would likely always be red because was there any coming back from that?

Tony didn't think so.

The Avengers were back in the tower, they were trying, trying so hard to make themselves back into the team that had once slotted together like a jigsaw, but Tony's scars were a constant reminder to himself that he wasn't part of that.

After Thanos, after the scars from Peter and Stephen's 'deaths' had settled into his left forearm, Tony had thought he was done. He'd thought that he'd fought as long and as hard as he could. He'd almost prayed for it to be done, for it to be the end.

And yet, when he'd returned to earth, he and Steve had proven that personal heartbreak's aside, they could still work together. They'd done the impossible and reversed the snap, had beat Thanos, had proven that even if they weren't compatible people, they were compatible heroes.

And so, Tony had welcomed them all home. Because what else could he do? The world needed its heroes, and Tony wasn't petty enough to stop that from happening just because he didn't want to risk any more scars. With the amount already littering his skin, he didn't think it was much of a risk anyway.

What was one more scar when Tony was already riddled with them?

…

"Tony?"

Tony looked up, surprised to find the whole team sprawled out in the common area, a movie playing on the tv.

He winced. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. I was just," he nodded at the kitchen. "Coffee."

"You're not interrupting," Natasha said quietly, her eyes sad. "You should join us. We only just started this one."

Tony shook his head, offering her a small smile. "No can do. Work to do."

He walked swiftly through to the kitchen, leaning on the counter as he waited for the coffee machine to do its job. He was an idiot. He'd known they were having a movie night, Jarvis had announced their intents and request that he join them only a few hours ago.

"You okay?"

He jumped, turning to see Steve leaning against the doorway, a concerned look on his face.

Tony nodded, rubbing at his temple. "Fine. Just… busy."

"When did you last sleep?"

Shrugging, Tony turned back to the coffee machine when it beeped. He hated it when they pretended to care about his well being, it made the scars they'd left behind ache. He heard Steve sigh deeply, and rolled his eyes, sipping at the coffee.

"You should rest, Tony, you look tired."

"Thanks," Tony replied, his lips quirking up in a dry smile.

Steve chuckled, rolling his eyes at Tony. "You know what I mean. You need to look after yourself more."

"Probably," Tony agreed. Steve was right, it didn't mean Tony would follow the advice. This was how he'd always been, and not even a disappointed Captain America would change that.

"You're sure you won't join us?" Steve asked as Tony approached the door.

"I really do have things that need to be finished," Tony replied, his tone soft. He didn't want to hurt Steve, and he knew, he knew the man was trying really hard to regain their friendship, but Tony just… he couldn't. Not like it used to be at any rate.

…

"Sir, Sergeant Barnes is requesting entrance."

Tony twirled around in his seat to see Barnes standing outside the glass doors looking sheepish but holding his metal arm with his flesh hand.

"Let him in, J."

The doors opened, and Barnes shuffled forwards. "I, ah, Steve said you might be able to… stop it hurting."

Barnes gestured to his metal arm with a pained look. Tony nodded, waving him into the seat closest. He'd worked on Barnes' arm when he'd first come to the tower with Steve, had fixed it up to the best of his ability, all the while lamenting the horrible excuse for technology.

He could do better.

In fact, there were schematics hidden in his private server for a better arm already. Tony wasn't quite sure why he hadn't told Barnes yet, but he thought that perhaps the man wouldn't want to accept tech from Tony. Not after it was probably Tony's fault that the arm was a bit screwed up anyway.

They'd managed to refit the arm Tony had blasted off while Barnes was in Wakanda, but Tony could tell that the man would be much more comfortable with a new one.

Sighing to himself, putting the thoughts to the back of his mind, he turned to look at the ex-Winter Soldier.

"Where is it hurting, and how long has it been hurting for?"

Barnes explained the problem quietly, and Tony nodded, expertly opening up the metal plate over the section that was causing the pain. As soon as he saw the wires he realised what the problem was, and when he said as much, he got a relieved smile for his trouble.

"Did this happen against Doom last week?"

Barnes nodded.

Tony rolled his eyes. "You should've come down after the battle. I'd have fixed it for you then, and you wouldn't have spent a week in pain."

Barnes shrugged. "It's not overly unmanageable. Just… annoying."

"Uh huh."

Tony worked in silence for a few minutes, before Barnes coughed. "Do you… do you have scars?"

Tony glanced up from the metal to meet Barnes' eyes. "You really have no social awareness, do you?" he asked, amused despite himself.

"I do. I just… don't particularly care for it. How are you gonna get answers to your questions if you don't ask 'em?"

"You're not wrong," Tony said, his attention back on the job at hand. "We all have scars, Barnes."

"I don't."

Tony blinked, looking back up. "What, none?"

Barnes shook his head. "I think… Hydra. When they wiped me, they wiped any and all memories of heartbreak and the scars faded out. I don't… there's none. I know the others have them, Stevie showed me his and nobody else really hides theirs. I just…"

Tony fastened the metal plate back on and sat back, twirling his screwdriver between his fingers. "As hard as it is to say it, you'll probably end up with one or two eventually. It's life, and it sucks, but we all get our hearts broken. Some more than others."

"You never show yours. Ever. I erm… I googled."

"Look at you, using Google," Tony commented, a smile lifting his lips. "But you're right, I don't. My scars are… my business. It's one less thing for people to use against me if I hide them."

Barnes nodded slowly. "I get that. I… I'm sorry if I offended you by asking. Steve said I should probably try and filter some of my curiosity but…"

Tony shook his head. "M'not offended, Robocop. And hey, curiosity is a good thing. And a natural thing, considering you were on ice for over seventy years."

Barnes nodded, looking around the lab. "I like it down here. It's… it's like how I imagined the future when I was a boy."

Grinning, Tony replied, "You're welcome down here. If you want to explore a little more or… whatever. I'm always happy to talk tech."

"Cars," Bucky said suddenly. "I like cars. I… maybe you could show me a new engine?"

"I can do that. I can definitely do that."

…

Having Barnes in the workshop became Tony's new normal, and it didn't take long for Barnes to become Bucky, and for Steve to start joining them. That annoyed Tony at first, but he soon got used to seeing Steve on the sofa, his sketchbook on his knee, and even that became normal after a while.

Of course, neither of them had codes the way Steve once had, and Tony was still doing everything he could to keep himself from getting attached to his teammates because they couldn't break his heart if he didn't let them near it, but Tony was comfortable with them.

It was terrifying.

But Tony was too weak to turn them away.

...

They got back from yet another face-off with Doom, and Tony went straight down to his workshop. He'd taken a few hits, and he needed to strip his undersuit to make sure there wasn't anything really bad. He didn't think to put the workshop into lockdown, more interested in getting stripped and showered.

The gasp behind him told him his mistake, and Tony whirled around to see Bucky staring at him with horror on his face.

"I… who… how… Tony?"

Tony shook his head. "This is why I don't let people see," he murmured. "Because I know this is the reaction I would face."

"Sweetheart…" Bucky trailed off, approaching Tony cautiously, as one would a small, scared animal. "Who did this to you?"

"I did," Tony replied, flinching away when Bucky reached for him. "I cared too much, I let people get too close and… this was the result."

Bucky reached for him again, gripping his wrist gently and pulling Tony towards him. Tony stumbled but let himself fall. He was tired, and as much as he'd tried not too, he trusted that Bucky would catch him.

With strong arms, Bucky held him up, not too tight but definitely secure against a solid chest. Tony sank into the warmth, ignoring the voice in his mind telling him to move, to get away from the hold so he didn't get used to it.

"I hate that you've had so much pain in your life," Bucky whispered. "But I want to make it better. I want to show you that you are loved, that you can be loved without having your heart broken."

"Buck…"

"Let me love you, Tony. Let me show you how happy I can make you."

…

The starting music was just starting when Tony walked into the common room. Tired but happy with the amount of work he'd managed to get done, he stumbled across the room to the sofa, where Bucky was waiting with open arms to pull the smaller man down onto his lap.

It was the first movie night that Tony had been too since the Avengers had returned to the tower. The first time he'd felt safe enough to let himself be enveloped by the warmth of the team. Bucky's solid arms around him made all the difference, and Tony's body relaxed almost immediately.

Bucky pressed a soft kiss against his neck and Tony shifted, lifting his legs to slot into the place between the two super soldiers. He was almost asleep when he felt a hand on his foot. Blinking he found Steve looking at him with a soft smile. When he realised he had Tony's attention, he patted his lap in invitation.

Tony hesitated for only a moment before he let his legs stretch out over Steve's lap.

With Bucky's arms holding him and Steve running gentle fingers up and down his calves, Tony was asleep in minutes.

…

If asked, Bucky wouldn't have been able to say what the movie was about. He had no idea. From the moment Tony had arrived in the room, Bucky's attention had been solely focussed on him, on his comfort, and the calming weight of him in Bucky's arms.

As the movie drew to a close, he looked at Steve to see his best friend watching them with a wistful expression on his face, his hands resting on Tony's legs.

Bucky had known, almost immediately that Steve was sweet on Tony when they got to Wakanda because the state Steve had been in had been horrible to watch. He'd been inconsolable at the fight between them and Tony, but to see it painted so obviously on his face was new.

He had no idea what Tony thought of that, didn't think Tony even knew about it. It was only over the last few days, since he'd witnessed Tony's scars and not run away, had Tony let Bucky in. Bucky wasn't sure he was willing to put that to the test by bringing up the idea of letting Steve in too.

Bucky wasn't sure if he was selfless enough to share the man on his lap. Even with his best friend.

Steve was watching him with an understanding look on his face and when Bucky opened his mouth to talk, Steve shook his head.

"I had my time, and I missed it," Steve said quietly. "He's happy with you… and… at least I can have him in my life. It's more than I deserve. This is closer than I deserve to have him."

"Stevie…"

"Make him happy, Buck."

Bucky nodded swallowing hard. He pressed his lips to Tony's temple. He would make Tony happy. He'd do everything he could to keep Tony smiling and laughing, to make the scars that were still angry red against his skin settle into silver.

No matter what, Bucky silently promised himself as Steve left them alone, he'd never add to the scars on Tony's skin.


End file.
